Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
