its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
