dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
