There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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