he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
