your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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