it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's the barista slut.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
