you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
