when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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