i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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