and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
