Sry I called you an 8
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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