Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
