This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
