he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
