You can't motorboat a personality
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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