I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
