I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
