shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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