70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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