i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
