Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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