it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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