i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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