Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
