You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize