So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
