$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
