How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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