woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
