One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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