I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
