Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
