he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
