and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
