You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
