i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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