did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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