im about as happy as oj after his trial
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
