I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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