I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
