I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize