I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
