I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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