Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
