ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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