I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
