If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
