sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
