Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
