Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
