I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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