Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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