worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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