Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
