Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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