I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
