Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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