On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
