Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
