if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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