Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
