She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
