fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Life is so much better after having sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
