My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
