Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
