So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
