I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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