did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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