walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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