I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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