somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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