The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
