no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
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