Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
